Unwanted Memories

Seriously, I dont know why people enjoy bringing up the painful past..

The times I had with her were so unreal, which makes it even more painful to remember..

I never knew I could be so motivated, so happy in my life..

I didnt care what people said or what they think..

I was happy so I dont really give a Fuck..

Till reality came crashing my world down..

To a point where, knife + wrist = Good Sensation/ My Drug/ My way of running away

But luckily I have my loved ones and good friends around me..

Some of them gave me support..

Some of them gave me the strength to start hating..

Some of them gave me enjoyable times for me to forget..

It was the only way I though I could move on..

After so long I did moved on, but the feelings still lingers..

Memories of her starts to fade..

Cant even remember her face now..

But some assholes just have to open a wound that is already healed..

Seriously WTF.. I dont understand why do you like to torment me using her so much..

Is it that fun?

I dont really mind talking about her..

But please dont ask me to remember the moments..

Thats really fucked up.. Seriously that hurts..

I rather get beaten up or stabbed by some random stranger than feeling that..

It feels like there's something eating my heart from the inside and out..

Surprisingly it hurts.. Fucking A it Hurts..

I really wanted to get this off my chest for this past few days but sadly I couldnt..

Instead of talking about it with my close friends.. I tend to push them away or ignore the thought..

The thoughts in my mind keeps on telling me not too..

This is because,

I'm avoiding being made fun of,

Worried that this will be used againts me even though they know it hurts,

I know some dont even give a fuck so why even bother,

and the worst kind of all is that some are just to stupid to understand

telling them is a waste of time, probably will even make feel even worst..

So I ended up writing this on my blog..

Trying to get it out of my chest even just a lil bit..

I dont care what people think or say about this..

All of this comes straightly from the heart..

I am only human so I do have feeling even I do have some wickedness in me..

After 2 years I thought this feeling would be over but I'm back to zero..

Seriously I thank those Bastards who brought me to this state of mind.. GO FUCK YOURSELF.. I hope you get stabbed out of nowhere..

Ignore me, I'm just a normal guy who thinks he is a Teddy Bear randomly saying things on his blog.

♥ Ahaz